Day One: New Yorkk FAIL.

So, we started off today by driving to Cedar Rapids. There we smoothly went into flying to Detroit. When we got into Detroit, we noticed our plane to Newark is cancelled...bummer. Well they ended up rescheduling my aunt for a flight tonight, but they scheduled my mom, sister and I for a flight to Atlanta tomorrow at four in the afternoon, then back to Newark. So pretty much we'd get to NY 30 hours late. However, my aunt is special and got us tickets for tomorrow at 10:00 in the am straight to NY. We're also on standby for a her flight tonight. Hopefully we get on it, because otherwise we're spending the night in an airport, which kind of sounds like an adventure to me:P

Well, right now we're in this weird lounge thingy that has really good free food. My sister's doing her final and I'm pretty sure my aunt and mom are sleeping. Hopefully tonight/tomorrow we actually get into New York!

Goodbye Iowa, hello New York!

Soo, in aproximately five hours and thirty five minutes, I will be leaving for New York. Whoops, I'm still not done packing:P

I feel like in the past year, I have moved so far ahead. I don't know what to do now that I feel like I'm stuck. I feel like I'm breaking. I'm falling apart slowly. I need You God. I need You to help me.

What do you do, when you finally understand what God wants you to do, but you can't do it?

7/16/2010

Tomorrow, wake up at seven. Play tennis for forty billion hours. Come home. YAY. 

Anyways, here's my latest deal. So a couple nights ago my friend invited me to come over to some of his friend's house and i went. I knew some of them, and I met the rest. They were all really really nice, and it was a lot of fun, like more fun then my average night. So tonight was they first night that I hung out with all my friends for a while, and I can't help but just feel like i'm not having as much fun as I could. I don't know, it's a weird feeling. It's like why am I not having fun with the friends I have known for ten years?! Have we really changed that much?

Idk. Praying for lots of things tonight.
SEEEEE YA LATA!

Hi.

Hi.

I'm babysitting for eight and a half hours today. I think i might cry.

I MYSTERIOUSLY LOST MY BIBLE.
I READ IT LAST NIGHT, THEN SET IT DOWN ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO MY BED.
TODAY I GOT UP AND LOOKED FOR IT TO TAKE TO BIBLE STUDY, AND IT IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND.
I AM SO CONFUSED.

Jesus I stand for You
No matter what You lead me through
They will chase me down
and close me down
But Jesus I'll stand for You
I'll always stand.

I'm kind of digging these lyrics.
I slept in until 2:30 today, it was kind of awesome.
I'm still really tired.

7/11/2010

This weekend: Went to Mall of America

So, Bailey, Karen, Maddie, Taryn, Ellie and I decided to go on a road trip to the mall of america for two days. We spent the night and it seriously, was one of the best weekends I have had in a long time.
Before, I felt like me and those guys were getting kind of seperated, I mean, I just didn't hang out with them a lot and I noticed our differences more than our similarities. I had doubts about this trip and just thought about the worst that could happen. It was seriously sooo fun. We got to the mall around noon and ate. Then shopped until like six. Then we went to the hhotel, got ready and headed back to the mall to eat at rainforest cafe, then we shopped more. We went back to the hotel, went swimming, pierced Karen's ears, and slept. The next day we went to the mall at like eleven, and shopped and went on some rides. Then headed back. Man it was fun.

Oh, so I have kind of a dilema...
So my sister, my aunt, my mom and I are going to New York July 25-30. Here's the deal,  I don't really want to go. I mean nothing bad about new york, just it's not really my type of trip. i know it's going to be awesome, but I would rather go on a vacation to the wilderness or the beach or something rather than a unusually large city. I think it's more of a trip for Ellie, and I know she's really excited about it.

Before the trip, I REALLY wanted to go on caravan, but the dates crossed over and i missed the sign up deadline so I just decided I wasn't going to go. But WOAH, what do you know, there's three spots open now. I talked to Karen about going, and she said she wants to. I know that that has the potential to changer not only mine, but her life too. Last caravan she went on, honestly changed her. This sounds kind of chesy, but this is like her last summer to do caravan, right now, she doesn't really believe in God, but she's searching for what to believe in, and I think that she WANTS to believe in God, she just can't seem to put some answers to some of her questions, if that makes any sense. But anyways, I just feel like this is God telling me and her to go, I feel like if she doesn't go, this is going to be like her last chance because who knows what's going to happen when she goes into college. I know if I talked to my mom about this, she wouldn't understand at all. Like right now, it's not even that I want to go on Caravan myself, it's just that I see a life changing possibilty for Karen. and I know that she wont go on Caravan by herself.

Also, that week that I'm gone is volleyball team camp. My mom doesn't seem to understand how important this is to me. This year is the last year I can play volleyball. We have an amazing new coach, and actually have a chance to be decent. Being a senior, i have a BIG leadership role. I want to take advantage and use my abilities to make our team like one big family, and if i don't go to team camp, I feel like I am losing my chance, I don't know. I feel like I can't be a very dedicated player if I'm not going to team camp.

I don't know. Frustration a little bit. But whatever God wants to happen will find a way to be.
Adios.
Sleep tight.

I can't figure out why the font color is funny.

I think I finally nailed what my problem is. I am terrible at shining God's glory. He says to us so many times in the bible to shine His light, and yet I still have troubles doing it. It's like I'm scared that if I tell someone that I'm absolutely in love with Jesus Christ, the world will explode. And that's definitely not going to happen. I mean, there's a couple things that can happen...they agree with me and are wayy farther than me in their journey with Christ, which would be super stellar, they accept that fact, but admit they aren't quite there yet, or they look at me funny and walk away. 


"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16


Man. It's crazy to thing of how far I've come in a year. Last year, around this time, maybe more into the fall, I went to Decorah with a couple of my friends, at that point in my life, I didn't really have faith. I mean I believed in God but didn't really do anything. I remember being forced to go to church, my mom would literally ground me if I didn't go, and now I go to church because I WANT TO, not because I have to. Anyway, I was in Decorah and my friend was talking about how she drank and whatnot, and I said I never had before, She asked me if I was one of those "crazy Jesus people", I said no. 


I was too scared that she might judge me. 


I regret those days so much. I wish I could go back to the very beginning of my life and live everyday as on fire for Christ as I am now.


And the funny thing is, I can grow so much more. It's amazing when I go to bible study and I just sit there and listen to the things all these people say. They know so much, and truly do live out God's word, I want to get to that point, there's just so much to do. I love God so much, and continue to see him in my everyday life. Oh man, God is awesome.


P.S. I got three new fish today, Frank, Henry and Peter!

These are kind of addicting:)

Do you worry your last ex will move on & be happier with another person?
Umm...what ex? ;)

Whats one thing that really bothers you?
I try to stay focused on the positive things, but when people chew really loudly. Haha.

What's something that's changed your life?
Um..well finding GOD!

Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out of your life?
Well...yeah.

Where did you get your last bruise from?
I have a big one from slip and sliding.

Do you get along with guys or girls better?
Not quite sure.

What were you doing at 8 this morning?
Just woke up!

Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
Nope.

What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you?
She was pretty much the best volleyball coach ever, and has three cute kids she wanted me to babysit:)

What are you excited for?
Today: Um, getting off work, haha.
This week: Going to the mall of america.
This month: New York
This year: Being a seniorrr!

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Driving home.

Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
My cousin:)

Will this weekend be a good one?
For sure.

How late did you stay up last night and why?
well I wanted to go to sleep early, but it seriously took me forever to fall asleep. So around twoish?

Do you miss anyone?
Uh huh.

Who was the last person you rode in the car with that was under 21?
Marge.

Do you have curly hair?
Nope.

What should you be doing right now?
Probably putting one of my four queens shirts in the wash so I have one to wear tonight.

Are you mad at anyone right now?
NOPE.

Did Someone Leave your Life & you Wished they Came Back?
Sure, but heaven's a pretty great place too.

Was New Years enjoyable?
Yeah:)

If you could see someone right now it'd be....?
Umm...Michael Jordan. First person that came in my mind. Hahaha.

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
I don't know? I kinda want to see parents...

Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
Nope, I'm a rock.

If you had $100 would you spend or save it?
Save.

Do you think relationships are hard?
I wouldn't quite know.

Do you have secrets that no one knows?
Nope:) I'm pretty open once I get to know you.

Where was your default picture taken?
Drake, YLC june week.

What is your favorite color?
PINK:)

What's your favorite season?
summer.

Do you believe there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
no.

What are you doing tonight?
WOrkinggg, then no plans yet. Wanna hang? Let me know.

Do you wanna have children?
SUre!

Do you like to cuddle?
Haha.

Did you hug or kiss anyone today?
Nope. Well I kissed my fishies in their bowl.

What are you planning on doin NEXT weekend?
MALL OF AMERICA!

What do you want for your birthday?
that is way to far away!

When was the last time you felt like your heart was breaking?
Umm...

Hows your heart?
Lovin.

Do you have a brother?
Yup.

Do any sports?
Tennis, Volleyball, Used to do bball, cheerleading, soccer, softball...wow.

Do you think you are pregnant?
Not a chance...unless i'm the next virgen Mary;)

What color is your hair?
Light brown,

Do you and your siblings have the same parents?
Yes we do!

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
Yes, and I will.

At the beginning of the summer, who were you in a relationship with?
No one.

Are you worried about anyone right now?
Sure.

What were you doing at 10:30 last night?
Working, wait, no. At home.

Are you listening to music right now?
Yup.

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
HOT. but not humid :(

What were you doing at 7am this morning?
sleeping.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
no, i was a little tired though.

What mood are you in right now?
Blah. Haha.

Is your room ever clean?
Yeah.

Has anyone got on your nerves lately?
nope.

What were you doing before filling out this survey?
Facebook stalking...haha.

What's a concern of yours right now?
Summer's going to fast!

Are you keeping a secret right now?
No haha.

Do you miss the way things used to be?
Uh huh.

Are you sarcastic?
sometimes

Do you think you can last for an hour without talking?
Sure. If they pay me.

Do you like getting hugs from other people?
No, not going to lie.

Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
Sure.

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Yup.

Do you know anyone else with your name?
Yup, a little girl in Mexico.

How many times have you gotten detention in school?
A couple haaha.

Do you have a little sister?
nope.

Do you like to listen to the radio when you're in the car?
Yup.

When's the last time you ate at Taco Bell?
A couple weeks ago!

Do you like to wear flip-flops?
Yeah

Have your parents ever hated your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Umm, what boyfriend? I don't think middle school relationships count:P

Do you like Converse?
Sure.

When's the last time you had an Oreo?
Oh, like yesterday.

Want something you can't have?
nope.

Do you have a secret that you've never told ANYONE?
seriosly what's with the secret questions?

Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
MAYBE.

If you don't have a religion, than what do you live for?!

Man, the title sums up a good part of my night. But anyways, I kinda feel like this is my journal... so...

Dear Journal,
Today I went fishing with Marge, Karen and Maranda. Haha, we caught three fish! Then we went and bought a slip and slide, then used our slip and slide. Then we went bowling.

After bowling we had to take Maranda to her house in W'Loo, so me, Maranda and Karen rode in the back of Andrew's truck. It was awesome. Seriously, riding in the back of trucks is probably one of my favorite things to do. So on the way back, it was just me and Karen and so we laid down in the bed of the truck and stared up at the stars. (Which is really cool to do generally because the stars look like there not moving). And we started talking about how it's just weird to think about the universe and everything. Then we kind of got into a more religious aspect of it. Karen pointed out that it's so weird, how complexly made the universe is. It made me think about how seriously the whole "The earth is made by a sonic boom" theory, or whatever, doesn't make since. LIke really... how did the earth happen to form the perfect distance away from the sun and be the perfect size and have the things life needs for surviving. It just doesn't make since. The only logical answer I can think of is that there was a Creator...God. I kind of talked with her about that. Then we just talked about religion in general. Karen said how for her, it's so hard to understand that God made each of us individually and how he loves EACH of us. She shared some stories from Caravan when she went in 2008. She said that after that trip she was on a Jesus high pretty much. She was confident in her faith and what she believed in, then last summer, when Devon died it just all went down.

But anyway, so we continued talking, and I mentioned how I don't want to be the stereotypical "Christian Girl" I want to be different, I want to get out and DO something! And yeah, we just had a good conversation. Anyways though after we got back to CF, Andrew came and talked with us and he said he kind of had the same beliefs as Karen now. That kind of shocked me because I thought of Andrew always as a strong Christian and I looked up to him a lot in his faith and whatnot. Hah i used the word whatnot. But yeah, so If your reading this just say a quick little prayer for Andrew and Karen, ya know? I want to do something to help each of them grow in their faith, I just don't really know the next step is.

I think this bible verse pretty much sums up my night: "Now faith, is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

Yeah.. think about it.

What up.

So, today me and two of my friends had a good conversation. We talked about the importance of waiting until marriage to lose your virginity. Honestly, I can't even imagine NOT waiting. It is one of the most important things to me. We talked about how that's the biggest thing you can give to a guy and if you waste it, then how does that ever make it special when your married. I can say, and I know I will stick through with it, that I will not have sex until I'm married. 
Anyways...today was fun. I woke up, watched some Glee, went to the baseball game, volleyball open gym & went to Margaret's. I have high hopes for volleyball this year. I feel like I should take a really big leadership role, because I am a senior this year. We have awesome coaches and hopefully can improve..well because our past isn't the best;) 
At Margaret's, we painted our nails:) ahahaha, then we played Blokus.. AKA best game ever. Seriously. If you haven't played it, get it. Then we played bananagrams, also a good game. Then Taryn dropped me off at my car at Karens and me and Maranda rode in the back of the truck, it was fun:) Haha. 
Anyways, today was good. 
Good day. 
Bien Dia.




P.S. if anyone actually reads this, they should let me know, so I don't feel stupid writing these...